general questions and discussions

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Postby tmau » Sat Oct 03, 2009 12:21 am

How does one who is suffering from body odour, as a result of TMAU or otherwise, find a girlfriend? It's quarter past 1 on a Friday night, in London, and I know that I for one would rather be out there looking for someone, having a fun time, rather than surfing the net for information about TMAU and just simply wasting my time watching YouTube videos. :cry:
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Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:10 am

Re: Girlfriend

Postby bigvern » Thu Oct 22, 2009 10:42 pm

hello mate - dont get too despondant, luckily I am married to a very understanding wife and hopefully as this forum gets more joiners some of them will be up for a date!!

youtube - god I 've wasted some hours on that
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Joined: Thu Jun 25, 2009 5:37 pm

Re: Girlfriend

Postby smelly » Mon Jan 04, 2010 5:24 pm

Hi tmau,

I don’t know if you are between relationships, and have taken a knock in your confidence with this problem, or young and just embarking on the courtship process! So please forgive me if I aim this incorrectly.

Well everyone on this board seems to mention partners in their lives, so I would say its realistic to expect you can be in a relationship, even if your odour is quite bad. I know the problem is that once we realise how bad our odour is, we instinctively want to stay away from people, which is going to make meeting new people difficult. I gather its easy to meet people via chatrooms etc, but I have no experience of this.

I have often thought what I would do if I wasn’t in a relationship, in the future, now that I know my odour is a lot worse than I can smell. I am someone who is happy on their own so I would be able to be quite cool about it, which ironically makes you more attractive to people, I would say. But if I did feel lonely my instinct would be to get involved in voluntary work and absorbing myself in something other than my own problems. I have done voluntary work in the past, when I had fewer time commitments, and it made me feel really good about myself.

I don’t know what your situation is, employed/student etc. but if you have the time to spare, you could do something with people, and get a bit of confidence working with / being around people who aren’t as critical as people in the workplace tend to be (because you are helping them out somehow, and they will be gateful for it.) Or you could do something for the environment, working outside, which would be a less stressful situation to meet new folk in? I think if you are doing something useful and decent with your life then good things happen around you. You give off good vibes and people react to that. Plus the other volunteers are going to be decent positive people, much nicer than the general population. I can remember some of the people I met being quite tasty. I think it has to be something you genuinely enjoy though.

Whatever you do to meet people, don’t do it with the intention of a relationship because that desperation is really offputting and puts you at a disadvantage. I personally believe you never meet anyone worthwhile when you are looking for it, and the second you are happy on your own, busily getting on with your interests , someone beats down the door to get your attention (of course you do actually have to be ‘out there’ to meet them and give them a chance to see you! )

Specifically about the odour, I get as depressed as anyone about it, but if we are being realistic, we need to think of it in terms of a characteristic we have that some people don’t mind and SOME people hate. A small proportion of the people I pass in a day want me to feel really bad about my problem, but the vast majority don’t make a fuss (maybe don’t even smell an odour), and some kind souls clearly can smell something but go out of their way to make positive contact. I sometimes take an instant dislike/distrust of someone and I cant say why, just I don’t want to be around them. We have to realize some people will do that to us. If part of your problem is that you are avoiding contact with people and are feeling isolated, I would really urge you to try the volunteering route. And try to build up a thick skin about the comments. So long as you are trying to put the odour right, your conscience is clear and you shouldn’t feel bad about it (thats what I tell myself when Im psyching myself up for work!)

Sorry if this sounds patronising. The intention was good....
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Joined: Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:49 pm

Re: Girlfriend

Postby tmau » Fri Mar 06, 2020 11:01 pm

Hi Smelly,

Firstly, I'd like to say thank you for your thoughtful and kind comments.

I know you replied 10 years ago but I just now thought I'd get back to you as I've been thinking about my situation a lot more these days.

Actually, I am 41 years old and have never had a girlfriend. I'm still looking but with no luck. Lately, I have been trying a lot harder by going out more.

I will give the volunteer route a go and see where that takes me. I work most of the time so I do keep busy with that, but I don't see why I can't do more volunteer work.

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Joined: Sat Jul 04, 2009 11:10 am

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